[as]

2011-07-13T08:24:00.000-07:00

When Jesus says to go into your closet and pray in private, what He means is that He wants to be intimate with you. Just you and Him, alone together. he wants to spend time with you. He's right there in the room with you... not you talking up to Him --- but Him... right down level with you. He wants to woo you to Himself.

2010-11-09T08:34:00.000-08:00

don't even ask why in the goodness i started another blog. i can't even maintain the one i have! but i felt as though my new adventure deserved it's own beginning and special place. hence: http://thatsweetdesire.wordpress.com/

my life.

2010-08-03T13:29:00.000-07:00

only six more weeks until I leave. I'm still a bit worried about my visa... but God has brought me this far, and I know if He wants me to go, my visa will be approved. I'm really getting excited about learning more about Him. Spending more time with Him. Being more disciplined in my relationship with Him. Also looking forward to being off from work for a time, so I can really focus. God has been giving me lots of grace lately. Enabling me to be gracious at work and with my family. With the knowledge I'll be gone for a short time, it's spurred me on to do some things I've wanted to for awhile, but always put off. I'm still a little short of finances, but really, it's amazing how much I've saved so far. God has given me great and consistent hours at work, provided me with a temporary auditing job and given me the most loving and supportive family... He is truly my Provider. I rather love England already.

a prayer.

2010-08-03T00:05:00.000-07:00

Jesus...

Help me be the best
version of me that
I can possibly be.
All that you
created me for.

on desire.

2010-07-20T20:37:00.000-07:00

///Once grant your fairy, your enchanted forest, your satyr, faun, wood-nymph and well of immortality real, and amidst all the scientific, social and practical interest which the discovery would awake, the Sweet Desire would have disappeared, would have shifted its ground, like the cuckoo's voice, or the rainbow's end and be now calling us from beyond a further hill. As for the sexual answer, that I suppose to be the most obviously false Florimel of all. On whatever plane we take it, it is not what we were looking for. Lust can be gratified. Another personality can become to us 'our America, our New-Found-Land'. A happy marriage can be achieved. But what has any of the three, or any mixture of the three, to do with that unnameable something, desire for which pierces us like a rapier at the smell of a bonfire, the sound of wild ducks flying overhead, the title of "The Well at the World's End", the opening lines of Kubla Khan, the morning cobwebs in late summer, or the noise of falling waves?///
pg. 204, The Pilgrim's Regress.

2010-07-07T17:36:00.000-07:00

Jesus.

help me find
my
proper
place.
...

2010-05-20T17:02:00.000-07:00

my heart is burdened lately. child sex trafficking and prostitution has been on my mind and heart. i cry for these girls who have unspeakable things done to them. my heart breaks for the hundreds that i know are right in my own city. they are so far out of my reach, they might as well be light-years away. "the prayer of a righteous person has great power." [james.5.16] so i pray for them. and as i do, i can't help but think..... why me? why am i so blessed? why do i have so much? why do i complain about little things that i don't like, when from an outsiders view, my life is one that everyone would wish for. why has God chosen me?

2010-05-18T23:06:00.000-07:00

i find correlation in the oddest things sometimes. like this morning. went to put toner on my face. bottle says "use a cottonball". i don't want to run upstairs for a cottonball so use tissue instead. yeah. they don't work the same. I mean... the tissue works, but it just absorbs everything to the point that all the toner is in the tissue and hardly any on my face. it just struck me that that is how i usually am. always absorbing everything and never giving anything back. taking from God, from church, from friends, from co-workers, and never
pouring love and compassion back to them. i want to be someone who gives the life and power that God breathes into me and turn and breathe a little of that joy into others. it's my job from God even when i forget about it. so really. i want to be a cottonball. i want to absorb His life and power and yet be squeezed out to breathe to others.

i should call this the oddblog.

dark.and.light

2010-05-16T23:08:00.000-07:00

odd as it may sound, i took a shower in the complete
pitch dark last night. no sound but the water. no light.
not even from under the door. there are few times when
i've felt so alone. interesting. i didn't feel at all alone until
i switched off the light. darkness has a way of making
you feel certain things more intensely. i knew it was
impossible, but it felt like someone else was in the room.
"someone", as in one of my siblings to play a joke on me.
i switched on the light a few times just to be sure, and of course.
no one was there. as i groped for the soap, i pondered. why
does darkness make you feel alone? why is it that, just because
you can't see for a time, you're scared? why does an irrational
fear come over you when you're surrounded by the dark?
it's because we're not in control, isn't it. because we're vulnerable.
because someone could be there to play a prank on me, and i
would be unaware. because i can't handle the situation because
i don't know what the situation is. unless we have eyes to see,
we're dead meat for the fears that overwhelm. they can be real,
legitimate fears, or silly fears as in "there could be a spider in the
shower and now my neck feels all tingly so i'm sure there is one"
and your arm reaches out like lightning to switch the light on.
fear of not persevering to the end. fear of not doing what you
know you should. fear of letting someone or yourself down.
when we don't turn the light on in our souls, chaos happens.
darkness is just waiting for an opportunity to run into your
mind. it feeds off of our vulnerability.

at one time. you were darkness. but now you are light
in the Lord. walk [do life] as children of light. the fruit
of light is found in all that is good and right and true.
try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord. take no part
in the unfruitful works of darkness. instead, expose them.
when anything! is exposed by the light... it becomes visible.
look oh so carefully how you walk. not unwisely. but with
wisdom. redeem and make the best use of the time.
because really. the days we live in are evil. so! don't be foolish.
but understand what the will of the Lord is. eph. 5.8-17

what God wants.

2009-07-18T16:04:00.000-07:00

God wants us to have a child's heart.
with a grown-up's head.
simple.
single-minded.
affectionate.
teachable.
with every bit of intelligence we have
to be alert at its job, and in first-class
fighting trim.

[c.s.l.]

Clyde Kilby's resolutions for mental health

2009-01-22T13:01:00.000-08:00

[and now, my resolutions]

1. At least once every day I shall look steadily up at the sky and remember that I, a consciousness with a conscience, am on a planet traveling in space with wonderfully mysterious things above and about me.

2. Instead of the accustomed idea of a mindless and endless evolutionary change to which we can neither add nor subtract, I shall suppose the universe guided by an Intelligence which, as Aristotle said of Greek drama, requires a beginning, a middle, and an end. I think this will save me from the cynicism expressed by Bertrand Russell before his death, when he said: "There is darkness without, and when I die there will be darkness within. There is no splendor, no vastness anywhere, only triviality for a moment, and then nothing. "

3. I shall not fall into the falsehood that this day, or any day, is merely another ambiguous and plodding twenty-four hours, but rather a unique event, filled, if I so wish, with worthy potentialities. I shall not be fool enough to suppose that trouble and pain are wholly evil parentheses in my existence, but just as likely ladders to be climbed toward moral and spiritual manhood.

4. I shall not turn my like into a thin, straight line which prefers abstractions to reality. I shall know what I am doing when I abstract, which of course I shall often have to do.

5. I shall not demean my own uniqueness by envy of others. I shall stop boring into myself to discover what psychological or social categories I might belong to. Mostly I shall simply forget about myself and do my work.

6. I shall open my eyes and ears. Once every day I shall simply stare at a tree, a flower, a cloud, or a person. I shall not then be concerned at all to ask what they are but simply be glad that they are. I shall joyfully allow them the mystery of what Lewis calls their "divine, magical, terrifying and ecstatic" existence.

7. I shall sometimes look back at the freshness of vision I had in childhood and try, at least for a little while, to be, in the words of Lewis Carroll, the "child of the pure unclouded brow, and dreaming eyes of wonder."

8. I shall follow Darwin's advice and turn frequently to imaginative things such as good literature and good music, preferably as C.S. Lewis suggests, an old book and timeless music.

9. I shall not allow the devilish onrush of this century to usurp all my energies but will instead, as Charles Williams suggested, "fulfill the moment as the moment." I shall try to live well just now because the only time that exists is now.

10. Even if I turn out to be wrong, I shall bet my life on the assumption that this world is not idiotic, neither run by an absentee land lord, but that today, this very day, some stroke is being added to the cosmic canvas that in due course I shall understand with joy as a stroke made by the architect who calls himself Alpha and Omega.

2009-01-12T13:28:00.000-08:00

You are ever active, yet always at rest. You gather all things to yourself, though you suffer no need..... You grieve for wrong, but suffer no pain. You can be angry and yet serene. Your works are varied, but your purpose is one and the same.... You welcome those who come to you, though you never lost them . You are never in need yet are glad to gain, never covetous yet you exact a return for your gifts.... You release us from our debts, but you lose nothing thereby. You are my God, my Life, my holy Delight, but is this enough to say of you? Can any man say enough when he speaks of you? Yet woe betide those who are silent about you! (Augustine, Confessions, I, 4)

2008-11-02T15:34:00.000-08:00

the world is perishing.
the earth is dying.
the end is near.
who will tell them?
who will go?
it is the last hours
will you still just sit there?
will you continue to ignore them
and spend your last moments
with a movie and a white mocha?
wake up!
listen and go.
go next door.
go across the street.
go to your coffee shop.
to your grocery store.
you don't need to travel the world.
just step outside your door.

2008-09-29T15:39:00.000-07:00

miscellaneous sock piles
and a clothes heap
cupcakes and procrastination.
the sun is shining
it's dim within.
a chalk eraser
scattering dust in my mind.
a box with tape
cards stacked high
blue ribbon
and a chance to die.

2008-09-24T19:33:00.000-07:00

I was walking down the aisle, looking for a treat to take home to my good "kittens". [aka siblings] Standing in front of me was a pretty young woman, with a cute toddler sitting in her cart. I was smiling at the child, and glanced up at the mother, in time to see her turn her head and sob. Trying to speak softly, I heard her crying to whomever was on the other end of her phone. "But that's just it... I mean... How can I trust you anymore?" The despair and plain sadness in her voice made my heart ache. I desperately wanted to hug her. I didn't. I picked out one of each kind of fruit leather. Lingered for a few moments, pretending I was looking for something else. And then walked away.
Because, after all, she obviously didn't want to be disturbed. [are you sure?] And it obviously was a very personal matter. [does sympathy require all the details?]
I am glad that Jesus knows her name.

2008-09-23T20:32:00.000-07:00

what i do today is very important,
because i am exchanging
a day of my life for it...

2008-08-27T21:11:00.000-07:00

it flutters by your mind
almost there.
but always out of reach
that beautiful thought
yearning after joy.
always present
but seemingly unattainable.
feelings for love
yet not completely
grasped. for a moment
you caught it.
held it. adored it.
and then it was gone.
the unexplainable beauty
and wordless joy still
haunt you. not asleep
yet not awake
happiness in visions past
and beauty realized.

a.s.

2008-08-14T14:22:00.000-07:00

the real is left behind
the shadow is on the wall
a mans face staring at me
dancing, pleading
another face appears
in the laundry
i turn toward the window
to see a face trying to get in
everywhere i turn
i am surrounded

2008-08-02T17:58:00.000-07:00

sessions were going on, the church was full
and people were everywhere. some were
sitting and listening... hearing and learning
how to do hard things, others were talking
in quiet groups of twos and threes. and I
went to find a quiet corner all to myself.
I found a window seat, where I could still
hear the speaker, yet be alone. my eyes
wandered everywhere. up and down the hall,
outside, down at my crocs. i leaned my head
against the window frame and looked down.
wedged in between the frame and the seat
were some sticky notes folded up. gingerly I
pulled them out, wondering if they had anything
of interest written on them. hmm. the writing is
feminine. words are crossed out here and there
and others put in their place. it is odd to be holding
and reading something that was written by a girl
that is somewhere out there that I don't know.
the paper is purple. her writing is small and penciled.
i wonder if she has ever looked for her folded sticky
notes. did she even know they were there by the window?
she doesn't know I have them. but God does. He knows
who wrote it and He knows I have it. It intrigues me.
these are her thoughts...

voices so distant
empty and hollow
the other side of
cold machinery.

sounds recreated
never the same
as particles drifting
from mouth to ear.

space allowed
time traveled simply
never the same
as skin touching skin.

pictures to frame life
to fool the sharpest eye
while behind a canvas of lies
a box sits alone
as empty as out hearts
as cold as our minds.

unused emotions
creativity left for dead
imagination imagining reality.

a show to capture an audience
to condemn a human race
to drain them dry
and leave them helpless
crying out for more.

2008-07-30T13:56:00.000-07:00

to be cute is not your aim.
to be flighty is not your ambition.
to be Beautiful is your desire.
A solid, wise rock.
not an autumn leaf blown in the wind.

2008-07-23T19:32:00.000-07:00

how often do you feel like nobody?
how often do you feel worthless?
how often do you feel without purpose?
that your life is going nowhere...
or not the way you wanted it to...
or thought it would.
that you have no special talent.
no amazing gift.
people like you, but don't love you.
you're happy enough where you are.
but so many people you know are
doing spectacular things.

and you're not.

But God gazes at you with love, because you
were His idea.
you have the special gifts He has given you,
though you may not see them.
He has chosen you for a reason.
for a purpose.
you are His.

and no one. can take you away.

ever.

"You have not chosen Me, but I have chosen you,
and appointed you, that you should go and bring
forth fruit..." john 15:16

" Your eyes saw my unformed body, yet unperfect;
and in Your book all my days were written, the
days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none
of them." psalm 139:16

"This is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved
us, and sent His son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins."
1 john 4:10

"Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you. Before
you were born, I set you apart." jeremiah 1:5

2008-07-20T21:24:00.001-07:00

I don't want to be a "needy" person. I want to stand on my own feet and help other people. And while helping others is a good thing, sometimes I need to be needy. Just for awhile. Before God I AM needy. I have nothing without Him, am nothing without Him. The spirit of pride rises in me though and I want to stand alone. Especially in front of others. I don't want to show excessive emotion or make myself vulnerable in any way. Except. I am not a superamber and I am not God. So I can't stand on my own. When I am having a tough week, it is far easier for me to be macho woman and snap at everyone than it is for me to let people see in my heart. Pride. It is easier to be a bitter grump then to show any pain or tears. Pride. I can handle it. Pride. I'll be fine in the morning. Pride. What is everyone's problem today? I'M fine. Pride. I don't think it was just a coincidence that I happened to be reading a book on humility the same week I heard an excellent sermon on pride. I have found that so many of my decisions come back to me. Me. Me. Me. Me being in charge. What is best for me. What I feel like doing. Where I feel like going. Who I feel like helping. That is selfishness at it's finest. Pride is the root of selfishness. [and every other evil. really. think about it.] My decisions are based on me trying to control my life. Except my life isn't mine to control.

"Pride takes innumerable forms but has only one end:
self-glorification. That's the motive and ultimate purpose
of pride -- to rob God of legitimate glory and to pursue
self-glorification, contending for supremacy with Him.
The proud person seeks to glorify himself and not God,
thereby attempting in effect to deprive God of something
only He is worthy to receive.
No wonder God opposes pride. No wonder He hates
pride. Let that truth sink into your thinking."
[ C.J. Mahaney]

a.s.

2008-07-13T22:42:00.000-07:00

like a little child wants their mommy...
i want to go home.
like the little baby wanting security and peace...
i want to go home.
like the infant curling up with his blanket...
i want to go home.
i long for the time when there will be
no more hurt, no more confusion.
no more tears, no more pain.
no more vulnerability, no more fear.
no more misunderstanding,
no more sin.
where there is joy and learning.
love and peace.
contentment and fulfillment.
holiness and security.

i'm longing for my real home.

2008-07-13T21:18:00.000-07:00

a chalky grey pencil. dusty. dirty. trying to hide and blend into the page. ashy. boring. faded. and dropping into obscurity.

2008-07-13T21:09:00.000-07:00

because of your mercy.
because of your grace.
because of your holiness.
i've fallen on my face.
[can i ever get up again?]

2008-07-08T09:41:00.000-07:00

"God created man, created him to be His own... God set him in Eden to live in fellowship with Him, but man sinned. Man became the slave of evil. He cannot break free. This is precisely the situation that the ancient world saw as calling for an act of redemption. We who belong to God have gotten into the power of a strong enemy from which we cannot break free. If I can say it reverently, God, if He wants us back, must pay the price.

And the great teaching of the New Testament is that God has paid the price. He has redeemed us. Christ became our Redeemer... To release the slaves of sin He paid the price. We were in captivity. We were in the strong grip of evil. We could not break free. But the price was paid and the result is that we go free!"

--Leon Morris

2008-06-18T19:52:00.000-07:00

my soul is FULL.

and then. my soul feels

b

l

a

n

k

.

with a period at the end.

God is in control.

yet. He is not a puppeteer, directing me with strings.

He gives me choices.

to love Him freely.

to move my wooden arms and embrace Him.

2008-06-18T19:48:00.000-07:00

what are objects
things we hold
things we look at

what is love
how we feel
how we act

who is me
something simple
something complex

what are colors
explosions of pigment
ink solidified

what are words
communicating feelings
communicating thoughts

life isn't really this rational, you know.

2008-06-08T20:51:00.000-07:00

i love trampolines and squeaky swings
and taking a walk in my pajamas and crocs
and nobody cares because nobody's there.
i love climbing trees, although not with bees
and hopping on rocks without any socks
and i don't care, 'cause i'm blissfully unaware
that anyone's there.

-a.s.

2008-06-08T19:29:00.000-07:00

“Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows,
but only empties today of its strength.”
-Charles Spurgeon

2008-05-31T15:13:00.000-07:00

"you don't need to know why, daughter.
just love me."

I remember finding it curious that He didn't tell me to
trust Him. Or follow Him. Just love Him.

2008-05-29T13:35:00.000-07:00

. .

God changing me is much more remarkable
than God changing my circumstances.

. .

2008-05-15T19:00:00.000-07:00

trying to gaze into the future
i can't see past the back of my hand
my sight is hindered by the drops in
front of them.

i ask the future questions
but the future doesn't answer back
it leaves me hanging
not knowing what is coming next.

the questions are still there.
the answers still don't come.
even my words have left.
[i think they took a few months off?]
and i'm still here with nothing.
except a promise.
[several actually. i read them every day.]
especially when i'm sad
they tell me of lovely things in times gone by

and so i hope. and hope. . .

that lovely times will come back again.

2008-05-14T18:05:00.000-07:00

Every day it seems something happens to make life harder. I am pushed to desperation. Perhaps it's a good thing? I can't view it as that yet, but I do know that I find myself doing the only thing I CAN do. Pray. Cry to God with groanings that cannot be uttered. I am doing the only thing I can. I'm praying for you. I'm praying for me. Praying for the girl at starbucks this morning. It's the only time my burden is lighter. I cling to God's promise. ::James 5:13-18::

It's the only thing I can cling to.

2008-05-12T23:04:00.000-07:00

afraid to jump i stand.
i crouch down sobbing.
i can't let go.
trying to be strong
i rise again.
angrily stomp
and dash away my tears.
not paralyzed by fear,
but paralyzed by longing.
held captive by the desire
to make all things better.
i am crippled by loss. . .

2008-05-11T20:13:00.000-07:00

Oh God
You are the only thing
that enables me to smile
through my tears.
and laugh when my heart
is breaking.
that makes me worship
you when i want to give up.
that makes me hold on
when i want to let go.
thank you.

Father, dry my tears, and show me the way to go. . .

2008-05-06T10:35:00.000-07:00

Hear my prayer, O Lord;
give ear to my pleas for mercy!
In your faithfulness answer me,
in your righteousness!

Enter not into judgment with your servant,
for no one living is righteous before you.

For the enemy has pursued my soul;
he has crushed my life to the ground;
he has made me sit in darkness like those long dead.

Therefore my spirit faints within me;
my heart within me is appalled.

I remember the days of old;
I meditate on all that you have done;
I ponder the work of your hands.
I stretch out my hands to you;
my soul thirsts for you like a parched land.

Answer me quickly, O Lord!
My spirit fails!
Hide not your face from me,
lest I be like those who go down to the pit.

Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love,
for in you I trust.
Make me know the way I should go,
for to you I lift up my soul.

psalm 143

2008-05-05T00:02:00.000-07:00

God seems silent and far away.

2008-05-04T22:28:00.000-07:00

I'm tired of having "right" thoughts
of saying everything's fine.
I'm tired of smiling and faking it
of not letting on what's inside.
I'm tired of praying and getting no answer
of not letting anything sad or depressing come through my lips.
I'm exhausted.
of wrestling with myself.
of doubting myself.
of doubting God.
I'm tired of thinking.
of feeling.
of remembering.
I'm tired of thinking back.
knowing i most likely can't go back.

2008-04-19T15:18:00.000-07:00

when He who died for me.
suffered in my place.
i did not know it
did not care
but He opened my eyes
drew me close with love
and I realized
His death.
was very very recent.

pugnacious thoughts that are now gone.

2008-04-18T14:58:00.000-07:00

it has to have a happy ending
otherwise, why write it?
everything must be well with you
or do you have problems?
you're not telling me the truth
maybe it's just a fib. a small one?
what's your deal
wait, it's my deal?
life just can't be all happy
or how would we know we were happy?
i don't know why i'm sitting here
should i be making sauce?
my thoughts won't stop thinking
can't they just shut up?
i hear a car
is the plastic bag a person?
i should go find a shovel
isn't the cd done ripping yet?
don't make it harder
can't it be a bit easier?
my brain is over taxed
will you go make the sauce?
i think i'll re-do my makeup
just because.

2008-04-17T14:55:00.000-07:00

The bright red rubies and diamonds lay scattered all around me. Sitting cross-legged, I pick them up and examine them. They are my hopes and my dreams. After caressingly holding each one, I put them in perfect little rows in front of me. I am called to give up my dreams and my plans. But they are so pretty! They sit sparkling before me. Beckoning me to keep them and do what I want to do. Indeed, I hardly know what will happen if I give up my jewels. They are mine. Me. I sigh and slowly drop each glittering ambition into a velvet pouch. Thinking, I rise and begin to walk. Soon, the place I am headed to is in view. Without giving myself time to think, I run. Faster. My pouch is clenched in my hand. Still running, I close my eyes and throw it. Hard. I open my eyes when I hear a splash. I make sure I have hit my target, and that my dreams are indeed lost forever in the river. I feel someone near me. Turning, I behold my savior calling me to Him by the smile on His face, and the outstretching of His hands. In that one look, my anxiety is gone. He is worth losing my dreams for.

2008-04-07T22:16:00.000-07:00

i have found the cure!
it's absolutely amazing, it's changed my life!
this is reality, this is what it means to live!
it's the most special thing in the world!
i can't live without it now. at all.
it's there for me when my days are bad and calamity hits.
it makes my joys greater, my smile sunnier.
it's truly performed a miracle in my life.
it has transformed me, inside and out.
i didn't know what life was before,.
i didn't have any purpose. now i do.
it is the best thing thats ever happened to me.
i wouldn't trade having it for the whole entire world.
i'm not exaggerating.
it's that amazing.

but... you know.... i don't really think it's important
enough to share it with you. i know it's what you need,
what you've been searching for.
but... it's a little too much trouble to tell you what will save your life.
too embarrassing for me to speak... in case for some reason, you don't
believe me. i mean... i could give you the special cure...but if you
don't listen the first time, don't expect me to tell you again.
of course, i know i said this was worth dying for, but really... well, it IS. but like, that won't ever happen, and in the meantime, i don't really want to be inconvenienced by having to tell you about this life saving cure. it would only take five minutes, but i'm six minutes late... so... maaaaybe... some other time. when i feel like it. i'm sure you won't die before i tell you. well at least... i hope not.......

2008-04-02T14:22:00.000-07:00

i saw her for the first time tonight.
she was sitting across from me.
dark eyes glowing, soft hair framing her face.
her slim body spoke of enthusiasm and passion.
her eyes met mine and she smiled her charming smile at me.
as she spoke, i could see the King of Kings in her.
eagerness to learn more of Him was written throughout her whole being.
she reminded me of a little child, captivated with life.
i find myself very much wanting her zeal.

2008-03-08T15:20:00.000-08:00

You laugh loudly
then sit in the echo
with a broken heart.
Covered up by smiles
and silly behavior
no one knows you're hurting.

You have hidden yourself...
under glamorous makeup
and fashionable clothes.
The real you is not on
display for the world to see.

2008-03-08T15:16:00.000-08:00

The Lord is faithful in all His words and kind in all His works.
The Lord upholds all who are falling
and raises up all who are bowed down.
The eyes of all look to you, and
you give them their food in due season.
You open your hand;
you satisfy the desire of every living thing.
The Lord is righteous in all his ways
and kind in all his works.
The Lord is near to all who call on him,
to all who call on him in truth.
He fulfills the desire of those who fear him;
he also hears their cry and saves them.
The Lord preserves all who love him,
but the wicked he will destroy.
My mouth will speak the praise of the Lord,
and let all flesh bless his holy name forever and ever.

Psalm 145:13-21

2008-03-01T14:18:00.000-08:00

i am laying in a little wooden boat
floating on a wide wide river
on the shore are pleasant trees
pleasant towns, pleasant people
i am in the middle of the wide river
no one can hear my shout
no one notices me in my little boat
above me is God in the great open sky
all around me is smooth flowing water
i am all alone in my boat without oars
i am glad God guides my boat
or i would have sunk or run aground
sometimes i grow tired of His leading
i have considered jumping out,
swimming to shore, joining the people there
always His voice brings me back
"Trust Me. Have patience, daughter. Wait."
His words bring contentment in Him
and in my little boat back into my soul
i'm laying in my little wooden boat without oars
looking at the stars. gazing at the moon
i wonder.
where will my little boat land?
who will be waiting for me on shore?
He is guiding my boat to the best place for me
i dip my fingers in the water.......

2008-02-29T15:48:00.000-08:00

A friend sent me this text right when I needed it.
Jesus is so faithful to me. It makes me ashamed
that I still sometimes doubt Him. :: sigh ::

Amber. Can you trust the one who made you.
He is big. You are small.
He guides you through the darkest valley
and in the the sunny meadows.
Do not lean on your own understanding.
He is sovereign. You are His alone.

2008-02-24T17:46:00.000-08:00

God in my living
there in my breathing
God in my waking
God in my sleeping

God in my resting
there in my working
God in my thinking
God in my speaking

Be my everything.

God in my hoping
there in my dreaming
God in my watching
God in my waiting

God in my laughing
there in my weeping
God in my hurting
God in my healing

Be my everything.

Christ in me, the hope
of glory, You are everything.

Christ in me, the hope
of glory, be my everything.

-> Tim Hughes, [everything] Holding Nothing Back album <-

2008-02-19T21:41:00.000-08:00

You have walked with me
You have carried me
You have stayed with me
You have healed me
You have comforted me
You have loved me
You have convicted me
You have embraced me
You have called me by name
You have rescued me
You have chosen me
You have called me
You have given me purpose
You have given me life

You have loved me with an everlasting love.
No matter where I am or what I've done.
You love me still. And You always will.

[ He has given me so much already,
why do i always want more? ]

Happy Valentine's day!

2008-02-14T12:24:00.000-08:00

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy,
it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude,
it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs."
1 Cor. 13:4-5

To aim at loving instead of at being loved requires sacrifice.
Love reaches out, willing to be turned down or inconvenienced,
expecting no personal reward, wanting only to give.
-- Elisabeth Elliot

...............................................................................................

You are worth it all.
every pain.
every sorrow.
every tear.
every little cross i have to bear.
every imaginable suffering.
YOU. are worth it.

.................................................................................................

"You're my all, You're the best
You're my joy, my righteousness
and I love You, Lord."

2008-02-11T17:34:00.000-08:00

"For what will it profit a man if he should gain the whole world....

but lose his soul?

and what can a man give in exchange for his soul?"

~> Matthew 16:26 <~

2008-02-10T16:35:00.000-08:00

Is Jesus your all, your everything?
Is He your first thought in the morning,
your last thought before sleep?
Is what He thinks the driving force of your actions?

Or are you hampered by sin, unable to find a way out?
Are the idols in your life consuming your thoughts,
directing your actions, and squeezing out Jesus?

Whom do you turn to in times of trouble?
Do you carry everything to Jesus,
or only the "big" things?

:: Mark 12:30 :: 1 Cor. 10:13 :: 1 Thess. 5:17 ::

2008-02-09T18:34:00.000-08:00

Meg began calling urgently, "Sporos! Farandolae! Come away from the Echthroi. You will dance yourselves to death. Come to Senex and Deepen. This is what you were born to do. Come!"
Some of the farandolae faltered. others whirled the faster, crying, "We don't need to Deepen. That's only an old superstition. It's a stupid song they sing, all this Glory, glory glory. We are the ones who are glorious."
"The stars---" Meg called desperately.
"Another superstition. There are no stars. We are the greatest beings in the universe."
Ugliness from the Echthroi seeped past Meg and to Sporos. "Why do you want to Deepen?"
Sporos's twingling was slightly dissonant. "Farandolae are born to Deepen."
"Fool. Once you Deepen and put down roots you won't be able to romp around as you do now."
"But---"
The strength and calm of Senex cut through the ugliness. "It is only when we are fully rooted that we are really able to move."
Indecision quivered throughout Sporos.
Senex continued, "It is true, small offspring. Now that I am rooted I am no longer limited by motion. Now I may move anywhere in the universe. I sing with the stars. I dance with the galaxies. I share in the joy--- and in the grief. We farae must have our part in the rhythm of the mitochondria, or we cannot be. If we cannot be, then we are not."
-- A Wind in the Door by Madeleine L'Engle

God has been teaching me lately that only a life utterly and completely surrendered to Him is worth living. It is what we are meant to do. It is what we must do if we desire to truly live.

2008-02-05T19:51:00.000-08:00

O God whose will conquers all,
There is no comfort in anything
apart from enjoying thee
and being engaged in they service;
Thou art All in all, and all enjoyments are what to me
thou makest them, and no more.
I am well pleased with thy will, whatever it is,
or should be in all respects,
And if thou bidst me decide for myself in any affair
I would choose to refer all to thee,
for thou art infinitely wise and cannot do amiss,
as I am in danger of doing.
I rejoice to think that all things are at thy disposal,
and it delights me to leave them there....
I can of myself do nothing to glorify thy blessed name,
but I can through grace cheerfully surrender soul
and body to thee.

.The Valley of Vision.

2008-02-04T17:26:00.001-08:00

"If any of you wants to be my follower," he told them,
"you must put aside your own pleasures and shoulder
your cross, and follow me closely. If you insist on saving
your life, you will lose it. Only those who throw away
their lives for my sake and for the sake of the Good
News will ever know what it means to really live."
Mark 8:34-35 [TLB]

2008-02-04T14:15:00.000-08:00

do you really want to see Him?

seek Him.

search for Him.

cry out to Him.

want Him SO bad.

2008-02-02T17:54:00.000-08:00

While preparing for my bible study today, I came across some points I had hastily scrawled down from the lecture last week. We've been studying Matt. 14, and these "points" were probably the last points I wanted to read today. Here they are nonetheless. :)

Sometimes God has to TAKE AWAY whatever is standing BETWEEN you and Him

Count yourself privileged to be going through a storm with Jesus

LET GO of ANYTHING that holds you back

When you act upon what you've already been given, then you are ready to receive more.

<<<>>>

i wish they were as easy to live out as they were to type out...

2008-02-01T22:04:00.000-08:00

This hymn came back into my head today. I haven't thought of it for quite some time. It has such a sweet melody, and with the words, it speaks comfort and hope to those who sing it. [[[alright... it speaks comfort and hope to me when I sing it]]]

"Every day the Lord himself is near me
with a special mercy for each hour

All my cares He fain would bear and cheer me
He whose name is Counselor and Power

The protection of His child and treasure
is a charge that on Himself He laid

As thy days, thy strength shall be in measure
This the pledge to me He made"

2008-01-30T11:56:00.000-08:00

I will lift up my eyes to the hills.
Where does my help come from?

My help is from the Lord, maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot be moved.
He that keeps you will not slumber or sleep.

The Lord is your keeper.
The Lord is your shade upon your right hand.

The sun shall not strike you by day,
nor the moon by night.

The Lord will keep you from all evil.
He will keep your life.

The Lord will keep your going out
and your coming in from this time
forth and even forevermore.

:: Psalm 121 ::

are you truly, deep down inside, really happy?

2008-01-05T16:24:00.000-08:00

What you feel isn't pleasure, it's pain.
You aren't doing this freely, you're enslaved.
This isn't happiness, it's suffering.
It isn't life, it's death.

What you sense isn't satisfaction, it's longing.
You aren't at ease, you're burdened.
This isn't gratification, it's discomfort.
It isn't serenity, it's anxiety.

You are not strong, you are weak.
You are not a conquerer, you are conquered.
You are not the hunter, you are the prey.
You are not the king, you are the prisoner.

Please don't laugh at me, and turn away.
There is only one thing on earth that satisfies forever.

____________________

seek. and you WILL find.
____________________

Romans 10:9-10, John 3:16, Romans 6:22-23

~> be killing sin. [or it will be killing you.] <~

2007-11-16T21:05:00.000-08:00

The fog creeps in
consuming all the buildings
covering the river
and hiding me.

My great view
of the twinkling city
and strong river
has disappeared.

How I wish you were here beside me!
watching the fog take over
we would talk seriously
and nonsensically.
Little boys and grown men
would be one topic.
and bumblebees and puddles, another.

What happiness.

But I am all alone.
You are not here.
Even my cappuccino is now gone.
Still the fog is covering the city.
Still the drizzly rain comes down.

my only happiness = thinking of you

2007-09-22T09:06:00.000-07:00

He reads our thoughts
and predicts our actions.
He sees how much time
is given to the things of
this world. He watches us,
as we spend hours on the
internet, hours watching
movies, hours absorbing
music, hours eating food,
and ten minutes reading
His word. He knows our
days belong to Him, but
we can't seem to get the
point. We mistakenly
believe they belong to us,
so we go about planning
each one with infinite care.
Jealously He sees our time,
and how we use it. Sadly, He
sees us waste the time that
rightfully belongs to Him.
Day after day, hour after
hour, minute after minute.
Like a spoiled little child,
what we need is discipline.
Only out of mercy does He
refrain from giving us what
we really deserve.

2007-09-02T16:44:00.001-07:00

When hope has left
and comfort evaporates
when joy is gone
and happiness is dissipate
when love has flown
and peace has vanished
you will be there for me.

when my head is heavy
and my heart is weak
when my eyes are wet
and my soul is desperate
when life is chaotic
and my spirit is crumbling
you will be there for me.

You are a shelter for me
You carry me in my weariness
You comfort me in my sorrow
You love me when I'm wretched
You cheer me when I'm dejected
You help me in my weakness
You wash me when I'm polluted
you are there for me.

2007-08-30T20:01:00.000-07:00

i have this feeling
i can't shake it off
that my life will never
be the same as it once was

my world is changing before my eyes
my childish hopes and dreams have died
i am scared of what my future holds
i wish i could be a little more bold.

2/28/07

cryptic thoughts

2007-08-22T13:35:00.000-07:00

They lost their smiles
the clouds are gray and blue
it's been quite a while
and somewhat of a silver hue
will they ever be found?
the stars are crying
a chop suey mind
dropping their tears
these are confusing times
into a pomegranite sea
if you read between the lines
the trees are sighing
you may find
they are just as confused as i
the rhythm and rhyme
the flowers smile
are disguised
their cheerfulness a lie
blending all together
time is leaping
you must learn to decipher
away from me
the word of God to man
I must hurry
unless you want to pay the piper
to claim the Key.

2007-08-18T16:54:00.000-07:00

The Lord is my light, my light, and my salvation. The Lord is

the stronghold of my life, of whom shall I be afraid?
-- Psalm 27:1

2007-08-13T16:50:00.000-07:00

We see this world now in vibrant colors. Red love passion, delicate pink, sparkling blue, magnificent green. Life seems to dazzle with opportunity. Finding the perfect blend of music, with lyrics that make you feel good. Movies that entertain one minute, and set your imagination on fire the next. Books that take your mind off any cares, and set you yearning for adventures similar to the ones in the story. Clothes that captivate your attention. Food that consumes your thoughts. Magazines. TV. Internet. Phones. Love. Friends. Cars. Texting. Social status. Skills. Knowledge. Your image.

The world has laid its net around your feet.

"The grass withers, the flowers fade, but the word of our God stands forever." Is. 40:8
"Heaven and earth will pass away, but My words will not pass away." Mt. 24:35
"What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little time, and then vanishes." James 4:14

"No believer can withstand the assault of temptation and the encroachment of the world apart from a steady intake of the Word of God. (Nor can we feed on a diet of unholy reading material and entertainment and expect to have pure hearts and grow spiritually.)
---- Mark it down---- Your progress in holiness will never exceed your relationship with the Word of God."
Taken from "Holiness" by N. L. DeMoss

2007-08-09T21:13:00.000-07:00

My heart is as heavy as my head on the pillow. Tears flow down my cheeks and I wish that somehow they could wash me clean. Sobs are wrenched from deep inside me. My body is limp. Doubt has stolen my mind from me. I must wage war to get it back. But I am weak. And nothing I can do will make me victor. But there is One, who is stronger than I. He has offered to fight my battle for me. Sobs have exhausted my weak frame, so I accept His offer. I could never have imagined the extent of the battle. He is dead. I saw Doubt and his accomplices nail Him to a rough wooden cross, and then shove a spear in His side. Horrible, horrible sight. Nails are useful. For paper and houses perhaps... but certainly not for warm, living flesh. Doubt believes he has won, and celebrates by filling my mind with his lies. My pillow is wet now, and I toss it to the ground.
Suddenly, my mind is clear! I see Doubts lies as they are... lies. I lift up my head to see Doubt crippled on my bedroom floor. My Champion is alive! His promise to rid me of my enemies was faithfully carried out. I can hardly bear to think of the cost. My joy is great, He has conquered! My bed is a delightful place just now. In my happiness I jump up and down upon it. And in my gratefulness, I kneel beside it. My Champion is scarred for eternity. But in His selflessness, He has erased the scars of doubt from my heart.

2007-07-15T18:07:00.000-07:00

"MY grace is sufficient for you. For MY strength is

made perfect in w e a k n e s s."

[2 Cor. 12:9]

The Room

2007-07-06T19:35:00.000-07:00

One bare light bulb is used to light The Room. Yet it is not enough, for The Room is large and the light is not able to reach the far corners, where darkness hangs heavy. Time is shrouded in apprehensive silence. The Room is not empty, as you assumed it would be. Nor is it neat and tidy as it certainly ought to be. You are disgusted with the mess you see before you. Broken chairs lay every which way, and the rug is matted with dirt and torn in several directions. The air is stagnant, and smells horribly of moth balls. Old, worn down furniture is piled here and there about The Room, making strange shadows on the walls. Dust has covered everything in The Room, acting as a burial ground for the dead flies that lay about. You hear something clicking across the floor and look up, just in time to see a scorpion vanish under a pile of stained clothing. Half eaten food lays rotting on the floor. Mold has made greenish black stains on the ceiling, and now, taking advantage of time, has started to creep down the walls. You wonder what this room was once used for, and why everyone has apparently forgotten it. Never have you seen such negligence in a room, never such filth. You have taken in the nastiness of The Room very quickly, and just as quickly you decide you want out. You reach for the grime covered door knob just as a bat silently swoops over your head. Quickly you open the door, then stand with relief in the hall. The door is shut now... but you still stand, wondering how The Room could belong in the Kings beautiful mansion. Staring at the door has done you good, you now notice that there is a sign on the door. Ah! So The Room does indeed have a name! Though like The Room itself, the sign is dusty and grimy. You use your shirt to clean the sign, and as the letters become visible you give a little gasp. For the sign, quite simply and directly says, "Your Heart."

2007-06-12T21:05:00.000-07:00

She says she loves him the way he is. He believes her and acts as himself. She finds out she doesn't really love all that he is, and leaves. What about unconditional love? The love that takes people as they are, with no exceptions. That loves you when you act great and stupid. Serious and silly. A love that doesn't like the sin, but loves the sinner. A love like the love Christ has for us. A love that doesn't give up and never lets you go. A love that doesn't seek what is pleasurable to self. A love that is willing to be inconvenienced, and a love that does indeed take you as you are. What would happen if we loved everyone like this?

2007-06-09T13:12:00.000-07:00

Chains.
Heavy. Rusty.
Eating away at your flesh.
The bolts that hold them together
are stained red from where
they have cut into your skin.
Your ankles and wrists are
dry and chafed. Every time
you move... even the smallest bit,
they rub on you, until you are raw.
You cannot be rid of these chains
that keep you bolted to the wall.
No power or force of yours
can remove them from you.
You are stuck. Escape is not an option.
You can go nowhere. You hardly have
enough room to stand. Today they chain
you facing the wall and you know what
is coming next. Every time the lash cuts
across your back, you involutarily try to
lunge away, but the chains keep you held
back, and dig deeper into your skin. Limp
now, you hang against the wall, too weak
to stand. Your back is torn and bleeding, your
mind begins to go numb with pain. Blood from
your wrists and ankles trickle down the chains,
then splatter on the floor. Hopelessness and
despair fight to reign in your heart. Your future
is screwed in place, just as the chains have
screwed your body to the wall. There is no
getting out, no rescue on this earth. You are
ready to give up, pain knows it almost has you
conquered. Then you hear your Father's loving
voice. "My child, I am with you always. Behold,
those that I love, I chasten. I will perform a good
work in you. Nothing can separate you from my
endless love." Your Savior is there beside you,
His love acting as a soothing balm to your worried
frame. He says, "My child, look." You do as He bids,
fixing your eyes on His back, gazing at the crimson stripes
cut deeper than your own. He stretches out His hands
to you, then shows you His feet. The nail marks are
bright, you had thought that time would have somehow
begun to erase them. Considered marred and unsightly
to those who don't know Him, to you they are beautiful.
For in the hideous scars you read freedom. Freedom
from the chains that have bound your soul. Awakened
by your own suffering, and looking at His mangled hands
and feet, you begin to have a glimmer of understanding
as to what a terrible, costly price with which your freedom
was secured. The chains that have you bound have become
lighter. You look down. They are still there, yet, somehow,
they are easier to bear now. You wonder at it while
watching your blood drop to the ground. The truth dawns
within you... your soul is free.

2007-06-07T21:06:00.000-07:00

I came across this book in our rather large basket of library books. It had an interesting cover and title and also the size was alluring, being neither too big, nor too small. It enlivened my evening, and since it did, I decided to share a few lines with you. Please. Enjoy.

Directions to Servants

[a satire]
by:

Jonathan Swift

directions to the butler:

always lock up a cat in the closet where you keep the china plates, for fear the mice may steal in and break them.

do all in the dark, [such as clean glasses, ect.] so as to save your masters candles.

directions to the cook:

never send up a leg of fowl at supper while there is a cat or a dog in the house that may be accused of running off with it.

when you find that you cannot get dinner ready at the time appointed, put the clock back, and then it may be ready to a minute.

lump three or four pounds of butter together with your hands, then dash it against the wall just over the dresser, so as to have it ready to pull to pieces as you have occasion for it.

directions to the nurse:

if you happen to let the child fall, and lame it, be sure never to confess it; and if it dies, all is safe.

directions to the laundress:

if you singe the linen with the iron, rub the place with flour, chalk or white powder, and if nothing will do, wash it so long till it either not be seen or torn to rags. always wash your own linen first.

directions to the housemaid:

lock up a cat or a dog in some room or closet, so as to make such noise all over the house as may frighten away the thieves; if any should attempt to break or steal in.

I am very glad we do not keep servants...

2007-06-06T22:53:00.000-07:00

i lack inspiration.

scrambled eggs

are all that is in

my brain. along

with milk toast.

oh, for some

high and lofty

thought! but

i cannot be

what i am

not. oh help

and bother.

2007-06-05T22:30:00.000-07:00

"To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven..."

my job drove me quite crazy sometimes,

but i will still miss it.

odd how you find out how much you like

something when you no longer have it...

2007-06-04T14:24:00.000-07:00

"If any man thirst, let him come to me, and drink..."

Are you tired of feeling like a "broken cistern that can't hold water"?

Come, you starving souls; come and be filled!

Come, bring your affliction, pain, and misery, and you will be comforted!

Come, you who are sick and filled with disease, and you will be healed!

Come, draw near to your Father who desires to embrace you in His loving arms!

Come, you poor, wandering sheep, back to the Shepherd!

Come, sinners, to your Savior!

Come, you who are uneducated in spiritual things! You are not incapable of praying!

Let everyone, without exception, come... For Jesus Christ has called all of you.

Yet those without a yielded heart are excused. For there must be a heart

yielded before Him to receive His love.

Taken from "Experiencing God through Prayer" by Jeanne Guyon

[ John 7:37 . Jeremiah 2:13 ]

Hmm...

2007-05-23T15:53:00.000-07:00

"A quick look at the lengths of children's index and ring fingers can be used to predict how well students will perform on SATs, new research claims. Kids with longer ring fingers compared to index fingers are likely to have higher math scores than literacy or verbal scores on the college entrance exam, while children with the reverse finger-length ratio are likely to have higher reading and writing, or verbal, scores versus math scores."
[the rest of the article]

2007-05-23T15:15:00.000-07:00

Oh if we could only see

the things that Jesus wants us to see...

if we could love others

as Jesus loves us

if we could love the Father,

as the Father loves us

2007-05-13T18:20:00.000-07:00

"Why does everyone want to go away?

I love being home....

But I don't like being left behind...."

--Beth, from Little Women

Today on my walk I saw:

2007-04-29T19:45:00.000-07:00

- yellow violets
- rosy twisted stalk
- bleeding hearts
- horsetail
- false solomon's seal
- a trillium that wasn't dead yet
- deer prints
- creeping raspberry flowers
- maidenhair fern
- a slug that was actually kind of cute
- plantain
- spring beauties
- a spider that i think lost his way
- corydalis
- watercress
- a lovely sunset

then i sat in the midst of this beauty
and wondered/contemplated/marvelled
at how a God that created all of this...
could love me so much to die for me.
i really can't comprehend it.

2007-04-26T21:00:00.000-07:00

"Between the probable and the proved there yawns a gap. Afraid to jump, we stand. Then see behind us sink the ground. And worse yet, our very standpoint crumbling. Desperate dawns our only hope: to leap into the Word that opens up the shuttered universe."

-- Sheldon VanAuken from A Severe Mercy --

2007-04-16T15:52:00.000-07:00

If we fear God, we will obtain wisdom.

Awesome. Since God gave away the secret as to how to be extremely knowledgeable, all we have to do is fear Him, and we will be wise. And we won't have to wait until we've gone through life to get there, either. It's kind of like a short cut. Fearing God is most widely accepted as having a reverential awe for Him, and I definitely have that, and I'm sure you do too. I've had reverential awe for Him ever since I've been able to remember things, and you told me you've revered Him for years... Excepting that I know I'm not particularly wise, and sorry to say, but you're definitely not. Hmm. I fear God. You fear God. And we're not wise. Is God a liar? Or is fear more than reverential awe? Or what is reverential awe? And while we're thinking that over, what exactly is wisdom, and what is fear?

Oftentimes, when I hear the word wisdom, I get a fuzzy picture in my head of large books with small print, algebraic equations, glass jars filled with steaming liquids, and Akeelah and the Bee.

Fear. It brings to mind visions of big scary things, namely orcs and R.O.U.S.'s. Not to mention the feeling that someone (or thing), is watching or following you. Dark woods and undefinable noises. And also the incident of the spider that was out to get me last Wednesday.

Reverential awe means being deeply respectful, and having an overwhelming reverence for someone who has the power to inspire dread and wonder. [and i have that...i think...do i?]

A more correct view of wisdom would be the knowledge of what is true or right coupled with just judgement as to action, discernment or insight. [the dictionary must have known my parents]

And fear they say, is one step up from being scared. It is a distressing emotion caused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid. And Webster is the one who says something more on the aspect of fearing the Lord than "having reverential awe, esp. toward God." Webster's 1828 reads as follows, "In scripture, fear is used to express a filial or a slavish passion. In good men, the fear of God is a holy awe or reverence of God and his laws, which springs from a just view and real love of the divine character, leading the subjects of it to hate and shun every thing that can offend such a holy being, and inclining them to aim at perfect obedience. This is filial fear."

All of this is just to let you know that if you'd like wisdom, you must learn to fear the Lord first. Although, I don't believe wisdom is the sort of thing that you know that you have when you have it. But you will know much more about who God really is.

~ Ecc. 1:18 ~ Job 28:28 ~ Ps. 111:10 ~ Prov. 1:7 ~ Prov. 9:10 ~ Isa. 11:2-3 ~

~ and a whole bunch more, go look 'em up ~

~ it's worth it~

2007-04-06T11:01:00.000-07:00

"Wait on the Lord:
be of good courage,
and He shall strengthen
thine heart:
wait, I say, on the Lord."

waiting = patience

Ps. 27:14

2007-03-29T16:31:00.000-07:00

Smile.

It's amazing what happens when you smile.
Even if there's not much to smile about,
or no obvious reason to smile, do it anyway.
Your heart automatically becomes lighter,
and your soul, joyful.

Truly.

"A merry heart doeth good like a medicine" ~ Prov. 17:22
"The joy of the Lord is your strength" ~ Neh. 8:10

Why don't you go try it?

2007-03-28T10:58:00.000-07:00

Read this:

"His head and hair were white like wool,
as white as snow
and His eyes were like blazing fire
His feet were like bronze
glowing in a furnace
and His voice was like the sound of rushing waters
In His right hand He held seven stars
and out of His mouth came a sharp
double-edged sword
His face was like the sun
shining in all its brillance
when I saw Him I fell at His feet as though dead
Then He placed His right hand on me
and said, "Do not be afraid,
I am the first and the last,
I was dead and behold,
I am alive forever and ever. "

Now close your eyes and truly imagine seeing this.
Imagine falling on your face. Actually, when have
you ever seen something so awe-inspiring that your
legs gave way at all? Let alone in a heap at someone's
feet at the mere sight of him? Though we cannot
physically see Him, He is still the same unchanging
God described here, perfect in justice and holiness.
A God who is not to be trifled with, yet a God who
works through our frailties. Is God your genie, or
is He your savior?

Rev. 1:14-18

2007-03-20T15:22:00.000-07:00

you

cannot

impact your culture

by

withdrawing from it

2007-03-10T20:59:00.000-08:00

Ah, yes, I read my Bible.
I also go to church
and hear amazing sermons
of essential reforms and God's holy law
yet as a basic overview
I have benefited much from
this.

Across America ... and Back.

2007-02-22T17:16:00.000-08:00

excitement and anticipation
leaving, without any sad feelings.
sitting still for hours and gazing at mountains that tower
unsurpassed beauty and magnificence
frigid waterfalls and shaggy bison
steamy, bubbly mud that smells like salty boiled eggs
sitting still for hours on snow covered roads
empty vast prairie and graceful antelope
making peanut butter sandwiches on your knees
dreary gray skies and electric wires
passed through the city, breathed sighs of relief
awed and inspired by the most famous falls of North America
the green dragon tavern and Italian pastries
orchard house, walden pond and the shot heard 'round the world
rain, rain, go away and come again some other day
wide sidewalks and a long reflecting pool
business suits, crowded subways and aching feet
museums that transport you to different lands and times
waiting for hours in airports
Oh, the joy of seeing friends from home!
conviction, intimate worship and wonderful fellowship
a man in a suit, a black car... a long drive
missed flights and succumbing to tears as you were all alone
countless rows of headstones around the unknown soldiers grave
drawing close and confiding in one another
people falling out of bed at night, landing... on you
welcoming hearts, joyful spirits and christian hospitality
horse drawn buggies at the local atm
long grey dresses, white caps, black aprons
A pretzel feast! whoopie pies and long lost friends
lush green fields and "geddess-burg"
hot water with honey, coughing, sneezing, itchy eyes
honest abe's log home, merciless heat and a tissue box
sitting still for hours, making more sandwiches on your knees
brown flat fields, grass, grass, grass
long wide canyons, high cliffs, scraggly trees
nine-hundred seventy-two miles to the city of roses
evergreens, maples, oaks... and mt. hood!
satisfaction and contentment
home sweet home

(has it almost been a year?)

2007-02-22T16:36:00.000-08:00

And yes... I posted the pictures in order... :-)

2007-02-10T14:31:00.000-08:00

A Few Words On The Subject Of Words

The advantage of knowing difficult words:

You can say inchoate sentences and no one will notice.
When you tell your friend he is very grandiloquent, he may take it as a complement. (fortunately for you)
You may use inveterate, perspicacity and malleable as your sine qua non during a job interview and get hired on the spot. Although, if you are too prolix you may find yourself dismissed.
You know that it is not wise to prognosticate or to be lugubrious.
You know that to be a maverick is a good thing. As is being demure, jocund and gregarious.
You are able to educe wide-eyed stares by showing your effulgent cognition.
You know not to be loquacious, and to avoid ursine people at all costs.
You are aware it is not a pleasant feeling to be discombobulated.
You know it is nugatory to indulge in feelings of umbrage.
You comprehend all that Amber is speaking of, and recognise her perspicuity and nonpareil of expressing words that are chimerical, visceral and inscrutable. You also perceive that her thoughts are now peripatetic...

2007-02-09T17:41:00.000-08:00

no one on earth can satisfy me like You do.
no one can fill my heart like You.
You alone can take away my pain.
no one else. but You.
You lift me when i'm weak.
You fill me when i'm empty.
You pick me up when i'm down.
and there is none like You!

the question is, will i?
will i turn to You?
will i let You lift me?
will i let You fill me?
will i let You help me?
i want You to encompass me.
help me. to let You help me.
break me. so i can serve You.

2007-01-25T20:32:00.000-08:00

"Bring into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ..." 2 Cor. 10:5

"You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength." Mark 12:30

How often have I read these verses and thought to myself, "Well I'll try, but it's impossible."

I am right, (for once in my life) ... it is impossible.

By myself, it is.

"But with God nothing is impossible." Luke 1:27

What a nice thought... I don't have to live my life alone!

2007-01-16T17:47:00.000-08:00

Tips for a Tuesday that's not going

according to plan:

{1} Read Phil. 4:11
{2} Have fun
{3} You're only a visitor on this earth (which means enjoy it)
{4} Gods in control, so don't worry... (too much)
{5} Make some cookies and a cappucino
{6} Look around you right now and just see if there isn't something you can do.

2007-01-12T16:40:00.000-08:00

I've often had this feeling of having to "prove" myself.

"Bet you can't climb this high... 'cause you're a girl, and you're prob'ly scared of heights..."

This came from one of my playmates, high up in a tree. I wasn't afraid of heights, and promptly set out to show him this important fact. If there was one thing I was good at, back when I was nine and ten, it was climbing trees. I climbed higher than him, and had the satisfaction of hearing his loud "humph".

I did some of the stupidest things to prove myself, most of which I am not mentioning here. I wanted to prove, to myself mostly, that I was as good at doing things as boys were. I guess that's what happens when your best friends are siblings of six boys and their two sisters. The way I see it now, the boys shouldn't have dared me to do things... but then again, I could have acted like a little lady instead of copying everything they did.

One time I remember eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for lunch, and I wanted to prove that things didn't gross me out. With my sandwich in hand, I went to a certain dead squashed... well, maybe it was once a mouse, but it didn't look anything like one now... and calmly examined it while taking big bites of my yummy lunch.

Playing crack-the-egg on the trampoline was another of my "skills". Out of nine or so "eggs", I would most often be left conquerer, and I would be quite exultant whenever the crackers gave up.

Yet I think our favorite game of all time was capture the flag. We would play that for hours ... switching locations and boundaries: first in the woods, then around the barn, down at the park, and back up around the house. Eventually we'd stop for crackers and milk, and then we'd be back at it again. I found I was especially good at keeping the enemies attention off of our scouts in their land. And I was so proud whenever I rescued anyone from jail, or when I put one of the other "significant" players in our own jail.

Four-wheelers was another story. I'm surprised we haven't broken our necks! The older boys would try to scare us girls by doing jumps and wheelies in the dark, on a steep hill, way back in the middle of nowhere. I loved every minute of it, and was very pleased with myself because I didn't scream. Our parents didn't appreciate the four-wheeler like we did. Though, they did have some cause for concern, since we never wore helmets and drove it as fast as it could go.

Then there were hay tunnels. Hay tunnels were the best and the worst. We would build tunnels out of the couple hundred hay bales in the barn, making "secret" rooms here and there. One time we actually made three different levels! I way did not want to admit I was claustrophobic, so I would just shut my eyes, take a deep breath, and hang on to the persons feet in front of me so I wouldn't lose my way. Though there were several large rooms, most of the tunnels were only high enough to crawl through on your stomach. I usually was fine, unless someone decided it would be fun to put two or three bales on top of the entrances. Never would I show I was scared out of my wits, they would have thought I was a sissy!

I didn't realize until a few years ago how much those little instances of proving myself was affecting my walk with Christ. I would be very ambitious in memorizing more bible verses than my siblings, doing more "good things", (which in my case were usually just more chores), praying more often and overall just being "more spiritual". Though those things in themselves are to be incouraged in any person, my reason for doing them was wrong. And I wasn't doing them all just for show, I geuinely wanted to do things for Christ, though I was going about it the wrong way. [a-hem..] Then I read this:

"Beware of practicing your righteousness before men, to be noticed by them;otherwise you have no reward with your Father who is in heaven." Matt. 6:1-8

I was so glad God gave me this verse... I was tired of doing things just for the sake of doing them!

"God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but

the Lord looks at the heart."1 Sam. 16:5-7

2007-01-11T14:41:00.000-08:00

We live out the condition that our heart is in...

for out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.

Prayer is the Key.

2007-01-10T20:33:00.000-08:00

"A sonnet...is a strict form of poetry, is it not?" "Yes." "There are fourteen lines, I believe, all in iambic pentameter. That's a very strict rhythm or meter, yes?" "Yes." Calvin nodded. "And each line has to end with a rigid rhyme pattern. And if the poet does not do it exactly this way, it is not a sonnet, is it?" "No." "But within this strict form the poet has complete freedom to say whatever he wants, doesn't he?" "Yes." Calvin nodded again. "So." Mrs. Whatsit said. "So what?" "Oh do not be stupid boy!" Mrs. Whatsit scolded. "You know perfectly well what I am driving at." "You mean you're comparing our lives to a sonnet? A strict form, but freedom within it?" "Yes...You're given the form, but you have to write the sonnet yourself. What you say is completely up to you." ['A Wrinkle in Time' by Madeleine L'Engle]

Isn't this just like our life? God has made us in His image, yet He gives us the power to choose for ourselves between right and wrong. Our life is our sonnet we're writing. What does your sonnet say so far?

2007-01-06T14:39:00.000-08:00

"By their fruits you will know them." :: Matt. 7:20 ::

Actions matter.

"I say to you, that every idle word that men shall speak, they will give account for in the day of judgement. For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned."
:: Matt. 12:36-37 ::

So do your words.

"Not everyone that says to me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that does the will of my father, which is in heaven." :: Matt. 7:21 ::

But above all, obedience to God comes first.

2007-01-02T15:37:00.000-08:00

"How shall they call on him in whom they have not believed?And how shall they believe in him of whom they have never heard? And how will they hear without a preacher? And how shall they preach, except they be sent?

How beautiful are the feet of them that preach the gospel of peace and bring glad tidings of good tidings!"

:: Romans 10:14-15 ::

For years, my sister had a picture hanging on her wall, not unlike the one above. The young girls dark Indian skin and coal black eyes would haunt me at night. I used to stand beneath her picture, staring into her eyes... thinking of this verse and wondering... would anyone tell her about Jesus?

2007-01-01T22:12:00.000-08:00

"So foolish am I, and ignorant: I am as a beast before You. Nevertheless, I am continually with You; You have held me by my right hand. You will guide me with your counsel, and afterward receive me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but You? And there is none upon earth that I desire beside You. My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. For lo, they that are far from You will perish, You have destroyed all them that go a whoring from You. But it is good for me to draw near to God: I have put my trust in the Lord God, that I may declare all His works." :: Psalm 73:22-28 ::

"... there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee..."

This would not be true of me. But I want it to be! I want it to be the cry of my heart to draw close to You. Oh God, show me your ways and teach me your paths! Sovereign Lord, be the strength of my heart... Let me not be far from You. I have put my trust in You, let me be faithful in declaring Your marvelous works!