[as]

I came across this book in our rather large basket of library books. It had an interesting cover and title and also the size was alluring, being neither too big, nor too small. It enlivened my evening, and since it did, I decided to share a few lines with you. Please. Enjoy.

Directions to Servants

[a satire]
by:

Jonathan Swift

directions to the butler:

always lock up a cat in the closet where you keep the china plates, for fear the mice may steal in and break them.

do all in the dark, [such as clean glasses, ect.] so as to save your masters candles.

directions to the cook:

never send up a leg of fowl at supper while there is a cat or a dog in the house that may be accused of running off with it.

when you find that you cannot get dinner ready at the time appointed, put the clock back, and then it may be ready to a minute.

lump three or four pounds of butter together with your hands, then dash it against the wall just over the dresser, so as to have it ready to pull to pieces as you have occasion for it.

directions to the nurse:

if you happen to let the child fall, and lame it, be sure never to confess it; and if it dies, all is safe.

directions to the laundress:

if you singe the linen with the iron, rub the place with flour, chalk or white powder, and if nothing will do, wash it so long till it either not be seen or torn to rags. always wash your own linen first.

directions to the housemaid:

lock up a cat or a dog in some room or closet, so as to make such noise all over the house as may frighten away the thieves; if any should attempt to break or steal in.

I am very glad we do not keep servants...