[as]

I don't want to be a "needy" person. I want to stand on my own feet and help other people. And while helping others is a good thing, sometimes I need to be needy. Just for awhile. Before God I AM needy. I have nothing without Him, am nothing without Him. The spirit of pride rises in me though and I want to stand alone. Especially in front of others. I don't want to show excessive emotion or make myself vulnerable in any way. Except. I am not a superamber and I am not God. So I can't stand on my own. When I am having a tough week, it is far easier for me to be macho woman and snap at everyone than it is for me to let people see in my heart. Pride. It is easier to be a bitter grump then to show any pain or tears. Pride. I can handle it. Pride. I'll be fine in the morning. Pride. What is everyone's problem today? I'M fine. Pride. I don't think it was just a coincidence that I happened to be reading a book on humility the same week I heard an excellent sermon on pride. I have found that so many of my decisions come back to me. Me. Me. Me. Me being in charge. What is best for me. What I feel like doing. Where I feel like going. Who I feel like helping. That is selfishness at it's finest. Pride is the root of selfishness. [and every other evil. really. think about it.] My decisions are based on me trying to control my life. Except my life isn't mine to control.

"Pride takes innumerable forms but has only one end:
self-glorification. That's the motive and ultimate purpose
of pride -- to rob God of legitimate glory and to pursue
self-glorification, contending for supremacy with Him.
The proud person seeks to glorify himself and not God,
thereby attempting in effect to deprive God of something
only He is worthy to receive.
No wonder God opposes pride. No wonder He hates
pride. Let that truth sink into your thinking."
[ C.J. Mahaney]

a.s.